


Rosemary

by ImperialMint



Series: silence speaks for me [eruri week 2013] [7]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Erwin Smith, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), M/M, Reincarnation, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:10:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialMint/pseuds/ImperialMint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day Seven of Eruri Week: Reincarnation.</p>
<p>At the age of thirty five, Erwin Smith was a successful businessman, owner of his own company, good friend, devoted father and a man married to a wonderful woman. He carried a past life around in his head and was on a never-ending search, but at least he didn't find doing taxes too much hassle and worked with good people.</p>
<p>Everything changes when he's thirty six, though, and Erwin finds the one person he'd sought more than any other moving in across the street - as a twenty year old living with his parents and no memory of the past life they shared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rosemary

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day seven of Eruri week! Day six's theme was 'reincarnation'
> 
> NOTE: This does contain Erwin/Other. This is not the focus of the story, however, and Levi is very much the only love interest that counts.
> 
> I'm finally done! This is the last prompt and, well, took me long enough really. I had this idea in my had ages ago and I finally had the chance to do it, something I was very happy about. I've had a lot of fun doing this challenge, even if it's taken me months rather than days...
> 
> This is un-betaed so any mistakes are my own and I'd appreciate that if any are found that they be pointed out!

At the age of ten and a half, Erwin Smith thought he led a fairly decent life. His pocket money allowance wasn’t enough for what he wanted to buy and his older brother made his life a living hell from time to time, but his parents were nice (mostly), he had his health and went to a good school – not that he enjoyed it, but it was bearable. He didn’t really have any friends, but Erwin had always preferred his own company. Besides, whenever he needed advice he’d turn to his brother, who was always happy to oblige.

He’d always had dreams. Some were pretty average and others a bit more extreme (Erwin had once dreamt he’d waged war on the entire city because nowhere sold an apple pie), but his dreams were normal. He had dreams of a strange world with giant people-like creatures, but he never thought anything of it.

(Okay, so Erwin had thought of it a little and he’d googled it, finding a few results where other people had dreams like his. Apparently the titan creatures represented a goal he needed to overcome and the green of the cloaks they all wore represented restfulness. Erwin didn’t buy into it. Nothing in those dreams was relaxed.)

The dreams weren’t that extraordinary, though. A kid in school had a recurring dream he was kidnapped by baboons; that was extraordinary. Erwin’s dreams were just weird.

And then they became something far more than just dreams.

Erwin was seventeen when it happened. One moment he was standing outside a café, waiting for Mike to stop chatting up the girl behind the counter and drive them home and the next he had dropped his cup of latte over his shoes.

“Erwin?” a deep voice said. Erwin wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he focused on his brother’s worried face, reaching to grip his arm.

“Shit,” Mike said, half-carrying Erwin to the car. “Why now,” Erwin heard him mutter, and the rest of the journey home after that was a blur.

Their parents were out – thankfully – and Mike pottered around the house after dumping Erwin on the sofa. Erwin could hear him banging tins around in the kitchen, but he couldn’t focus. Everything had gone numb and all he could think of was that his dreams weren’t dreams at all.

“Drink this and then eat the sandwich.” Mike sat down beside him (and wasn’t that a bit fucked up, they weren’t brothers before, not biologically, and yet now they were? How did this reincarnation thing work?). A peanut butter sandwich sat on a plate with some water and Erwin made quick work of them, savouring the tastes as if it was the first time he’d ever had this.

In some respects, it was the first time.

“You’ve done better than I did,” Mike said and Erwin looked at him sharply. 

“I find that impossible,” Erwin said, feeling older than seventeen. Having two lives in his head was almost unbearable, but the past Erwin had fought titans and this Erwin was him still. He could live with two lives in his head.

“Do you remember when mum had to come see me at university?” Mike said softly, resting his elbows on his knees. Erwin did remember it, but he’d not paid much attention. It had been a few years ago now, only two or three. 

“The university called her to help me because I just drank for days and days on end. She set me straight, though I didn’t tell her what was the real problem.” Mike gave him a lop-sided grin. “I pretended my girlfriend had broken up with me. I didn’t even have a girlfriend.”

He trailed off, shrugging. 

“So you’re doing pretty well. I think. How are you doing?” Mike’s voice had changed from before, Erwin thought. He still carried the hint of respect he had in their past life, but there was far more love there. Erwin supposed that was what happened when you were brothers and he smiled softly, allowing himself to open up. His life had been cold and harsh (necessary) before. Now he’d been given another chance and he was not about to waste it.

“If you remember and I remember, does anyone else?” Erwin dared and Mike nodded slowly.

“I met Nanaba a few months ago.” Erwin could tell by the tiny smile on his lips that Mike and Nanaba had picked up where they’d left off.

His stomach twisted.

“Do you…” Erwin couldn’t say it, the words sticking in his throat. He hadn’t been there, none of them had, to watch Mike die first. Mike hadn’t deserved death, especially how he had been killed.

“Not really,” Mike said, sitting back on the sofa with a frown. “I mean I remember being scared and knowing that it was the end. Actual dying though? Not at all.”

He paused and Erwin could feel his heavy stare, an unanswered question in his gaze.

“I don’t remember either,” he said and Mike nodded. “Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Erwin clenched his right hand for a moment and relaxed it, fascinated with the fingers he’d lost so long ago. 

“I lost my right arm, you know,” Erwin said softly and Mike raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Just after you died.”

“I’m sure Levi was enough to help you along,” Mike commented and Erwin thought the words were said far too casually for their impact.

Levi. How had he forgotten about Levi? The one man who had been by his side the entire time, the one person who had seen the humanity in him Erwin had thought he’d lost years ago and the only one to ever need Erwin as someone other than a leader.

“Have you seen him?” Erwin asked, hands gripping the sofa. He was glad Mike was with him (Mike had been there from the beginning, after all), but Mike wasn’t who Erwin needed.

“Levi?” Mike asked, as if he needed the clarification. Erwin knew, then. If Mike was stalling time, he didn’t know who Levi was in this world. 

“Nanaba’s the only one,” Mike said, shaking his head. “I’ve tried looking, but it’s impossible. Our names change – you’re lucky, I bet you’re the only one who gets to keep both parts of their name, I get landed with ‘Smith’ too – and we’re all scattered.” 

“You’ve tried facebook then?” Erwin commented and Mike nodded. With only scatterings of a name, Erwin could see how it was impossible to find the others. 

“I’m not going to give up looking for him,” Erwin said, the youth of his new life shining through. He smiled broadly at Mike. “I know Levi would never give up either.”

Life was never that easy, however.

**.**

At the age of thirty five, Erwin Smith was a successful businessman, owner of his own company, good friend (this came from said friends – Erwin wasn’t so narcissistic), devoted father and a man married to a wonderful woman.

Despite the world turning over, life hadn’t changed when Erwin had remembered his past life. In hindsight it was logical, after all, who cared that he’d been a Commander in his past life? no one else had remembered just because Erwin had, but it had hurt to have the massive change in his life mean nothing. 

Erwin wasn’t sure how Mike had managed to go through his remembering phase by himself and wondered if perhaps it was why Nanaba had come to him so soon after he’d remembered. Mike deserved happiness and he’d found it with Nanaba. 

But life for Erwin had continued as any teenager’s life had, despite the fact that he had memories of being an older Erwin Smith merged in with the memories from his life in this world. Erwin was adaptable, though, and the only change had really been higher scores on tests and better manipulation skills.

Those manipulation skills had come in handy as he’d meandered through university before storming through his first proper job. Between searching for Levi and organising a coup of a rival company, Erwin had broken away and started up his own business, his charisma pulling workers from all around and placing him in a seat of power once more.

In his search, he’d never found Levi. He had, however, found Hange and, with her, a classmate who caught Erwin’s eye. She was beautiful, with blonde hair and dark eyes, and unafraid to speak her mind when she wanted to. Erwin had asked her out on their third meeting and they’d married two and a half years later when they were twenty two.

Hange had asked him about it when she drove Erwin home from the hospital after the birth of their first child. She’d asked in a stutter, as if she’d been holding onto the question for decades and he’d let silence stretch between them before he answered.

“I love her with all my heart,” he said, because it was true. “She isn’t Levi, but I make her happy and she makes me happy. I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t love her or if I thought I’d run off with Levi if he appeared. She deserves more than that and I will love her until the day I die, regardless of Levi.”

Hange bit her lip at that and Erwin knew his answer wasn’t enough.

“Humans aren’t only capable of loving one person,” he said softly. “I’ve looked for Levi, but he’s nowhere to be found. I love my wife and I love my daughter. I’ve committed my life to them both.”

Hange said nothing more on the subject and Erwin welcomed his firstborn into his home a few days later, chest puffed in pride at his small family. It was true they weren’t Levi, but they’d made a promise years ago never to hold each other back. Erwin knew that if Levi was in his position he’d have made the same choices, even if Hange didn’t quite understand. (Erwin didn’t fault her – she, like Mike, had found Moblit early on. There was a reason Erwin hadn’t found Levi yet and he didn’t need Levi to live a complete life).

Erwin named their second daughter, the name springing to his mind with a rush of clarity. Petra was a small baby, good-natured, and took to chasing Elena around the house when she was old enough to crawl. Erwin was away often, but he made sure to make time when he could, doting on his daughters. They meant the world to him.

Time flew and Erwin began spending longer hours working, bringing home files and hiding away in his office. He’d permit Elena and Petra playing in his office too, but they soon grew bored on the novelty of their papa’s office. Erwin didn’t engage and they wandered off to more exciting things. His wife gave him a wide berth too, the result of a few arguments and lack of support on both sides.

Family life was hard, Erwin mused one evening. He had a drink (non-alcoholic, though he’d allow himself something stronger on weekends), and sat back in his chair. Both the kids were in bed and his wife had said she was going out with some friends so he had a quiet house to himself. There was nothing to do and so he shot a quick text to Hange, asking if she was free.

“Moblit said for me to give you this,” Hange said as she stepped inside, shaking rain off of her coat. She’d handed him a tin of cakes, most likely cooked by Moblit himself. “Where’s the wife?”

“With friends,” Erwin said, walking through to the kitchen to place the cakes away. The kids would love them. “Thanks for coming over.”

They spent the night reminiscing, talking about how different their lives had been. It warmed Erwin in a way no alcohol could and he slept soundly that night, unfussed for the first time in a long while that his wife took to the spare room instead of sharing his bed.

Elena was eleven when they looked at potential secondary schools. Petra was with Erwin’s parents (who were staying for a few days – they lived a few hours away) and Elena had run off with some of her friends a while ago. Erwin was looking around the school with his wife.

“It’s a nice school,” she said, smiling and linking her arm with Erwin’s. “All of Ellie’s friends are going here too.”

Erwin patted her hand gently before extracting his arm. “I’m going to see if I can talk to some teachers. I’ll meet you in the hall if you like.”

They went their separate ways and Erwin moved into the school building, nostalgia for his own school washing over him.

“Excuse me sir,” a warm voice said. “Would you do me a favour and open the door beside you? My hands are full…”

Erwin complied quickly, entering the small office and turning the light on. The man behind a pile of books thanked him profusely, setting his load down and turning around, startling just as shock ran though Erwin’s own body.

“Commander Erwin?” a familiar face said and Erwin broke into a grin.

“Armin,” he greeted, holding out a hand and pulling Armin in for a hug. The kid (though he wasn’t exactly a kid anymore) deserved a hug after all they’d been through and Erwin’s heart warmed as Armin’s arms held him tightly.

“Eren and Mikasa work here too – we met at university.” Armin smiled, half-sitting on the desk as Erwin looked around his office, smiling at the little artefacts that screamed of the trio. “Do you want to go for a drink or something?”

His wife wasn’t entirely pleased when Erwin said he was catching up with old friends, but she didn’t stop him and Erwin was thankful for that. 

Eren and Mikasa were just as happy to see him as Armin had been. They asked the questions they all asked – when had he remembered, how had he coped, who did he know – and Erwin was prepared for when the inevitable question rolled around.

“How’s Levi?” Honorifics had been dropped, though Erwin could tell Eren had itched to say a little more than just ‘Levi’. Erwin shifted a little, dropping his eyes, feeling shame that he hadn’t found Levi for the first time in his life. 

Perhaps it was because these three didn’t know quite how much Levi meant to him that Erwin felt guilt. Mike, Hange, Nanaba and Moblit all knew the relationship Erwin and Levi had meant and knew that finding Levi was more for Erwin than them. These three though, they had been part of Levi’s squad and would want to find him too. They wouldn’t understand how much Erwin wanted to find Levi, though they could all guess.

“I haven’t found him yet,” he admitted and Eren’s smile dropped.

“Oh,” he said, a little sadly. “I wanted to thank him for everything he did. We all did.”

The evening continued and Erwin left for home with three new numbers in his phone and promises to meet up again. 

Erwin’s thirty sixth birthday passed with a cake from his daughters and a small gathering of friends. He enjoyed the day, though the thought of getting any older balked him, and he sat down on the sofa in the evening, flicking through tv channels.

“We’re not working anymore, are we?” his wife said gently and Erwin let the remote rest on the sofa arm, attention turning from the documentary he’d come across.

“We haven’t been for a while,” Erwin admitted, linking his fingers as he drew his arms over his belly. There was no reason their relationship had drifted – they simply had.

“I can move out if you want,” Erwin suggested, but she shook her head. 

“I won’t be able to afford this place,” she said. “If it’s okay for me to stay here while I look for a smaller house, I think that would be best.”

Erwin didn’t see any problem with it and while his heart ached a little, he knew this was the right thing. They hadn’t slept in the same bed for over a year (and Erwin couldn’t remember the last time they’d actually had sex). Their relationship had been over for years and there was no point pretending otherwise. No amount of therapy or negotiation would save their marriage, for there was nothing to save. They simply weren’t right for each other anymore.

“I’ll always love you,” he admitted. “And you’re welcome to stay here as long as you like. I’ll get the divorce papers drawn up in the morning.”

That was that. 

At the age of thirty six, Erwin smith was still a successful businessman, owner of his own company, good friend, devoted father and a man separated from a wonderful woman who had given him so much. 

And then a moving van rolled down the street, just opposite Erwin’s house, and everything changed.

**.**

“PAPA!” Petra screamed and Erwin ran up the stairs in a panic, wooden spoon in hand as he ran into her room.

“Are you okay?” he asked, a little out of breath. He went to the gym three times a week, but children ran him ragged like nothing else.

“Someone’s moving in across the road!” Petra ran to his side and dragged him over, throwing herself at him in excitement. Erwin caught her and let her wrap her legs around him as he looked out of the window. Petra was right – someone was moving into the house across the road.

“We’ll have to make sure to visit them when they’ve settled in then,” Erwin said and Petra wriggled from his grasp.

“I hope they have a little girl,” she said. “I want a new friend.”

Erwin left her to it and returned to the kitchen, throwing away the eggs he’d burnt and frying new ones. He called the girls down for breakfast and argued for five minutes with Elena to try and get her to eat her egg. Instead she opted for cereal and Erwin slunk back to the kitchen defeated, shooing the girls off to change soon after.

They both knew that their parents were separated. Petra had cried at first, but she’d soon realised it was for the best and that she wouldn’t lose anything. Their mother came round often and they stayed at her smaller house (just temporary until she could find a house she liked) on the weekends. Elena had shrugged it off, stating it was useless for them to stay together when they clearly didn’t love each other properly anymore.

(Erwin often thought Elena was more like him than her mother and knew she’d always get what she wanted from life. He was proud, though he tried to hide it, especially when she tried to manipulate her way out of doing chores or homework.)

Today was a Saturday and, despite Petra’s insistence they visit the new neighbours and find out if they had a little girl for her to befriend, their mother was coming to pick them up soon.

“Hi Erwin,” she said when she arrived. She looked as wonderful as ever, but the flutter Erwin had felt when they’d first married was gone. Instead he felt respect and friendship and let her in with a smile.

“How are you?” he asked and they talked comfortably while the girls grabbed their belongings. Soon, Erwin was waving to them from the door as they drove away, planning to retreat to his room for a while to finish up some work.

Until he caught a flash of dark hair. Erwin’s stomach dropped and his jaw loosened, mouth falling open as he locked eyes with the one person he’d been searching for his entire life (well, almost).

Across the street, headphones jammed over his ears and scowl on his face, was Levi. A ridiculously young looking Levi, a ridiculously moody looking Levi, yet unmistakably Levi.

Erwin started as Levi met his gaze and he smiled, raising a hand and preparing to march over when Levi took a step back, lip curling and eyes rolling. 

He didn’t remember, Erwin thought. 

Erwin managed to make it inside, breathing heavily. His eyesight was clouded and he shut the front door behind him, sliding down as his breathing quickened, panic taking over his body. He’d never reacted like this, not even when he’d regained his memories. His hands shook, his entire body shook, and Erwin let his head drop to his knees.

When he managed to calm himself, Erwin reached for the phone and called Mike, not bothering to greet him.

“Levi’s moved in across the road,” he said and Mike remained silent. “He doesn’t remember.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Mike promised and the phone call cut off. Erwin set the phone back in its cradle and ran a hand through his hair, breath shaky.

How bloody typical, he thought. After all these years of searching and years of hoping Levi was okay, they’d finally been reunited. And yet, Levi was just out of his teens (at the very best) and remembered absolutely nothing.

Erwin had never felt so alone. Not even when he’d stood outside the coffee shop with a blank mind, not even when he’d moved away from home and not even the first night the girls had stayed at their mother’s new house. He’d always had the hope that Levi would find him and they’d be okay, but now Levi was just another stranger.

Moving to the kitchen, Erwin poured himself a drink and made a move to the lounge. He reconsidered at the last moment and grabbed the entire bottle of wine, sighing as he flicked the TV on. A cooking show provided ample backing noise while he sat waiting for Mike to show up, anxious for someone who would help.

Mike entered without knocking just over an hour later. He took his coat off and sat beside Erwin, throwing his arm over the back of the sofa and sighing.

“I just saw him,” he said and Erwin frowned. He hadn’t touched the wine other than the first glass and he reached to pour some out now.

“He doesn’t remember a single thing, though he hasn’t changed much.” Mike moved forwards, resting a hand on Erwin’s shoulder. “He’ll remember one day.”

It wasn’t what Erwin wanted to hear, however. He made a small noise in the back of his throat and Mike dropped his arm.

“The girls are out?” he asked and Erwin nodded. 

“With their mother.” Erwin looked at him. “The divorce should be final in a few weeks.”

“Do you think the situation had something to do with Levi coming into your life?” Mike asked, perceptive. Erwin had considered it, but he couldn’t be sure.

“We haven’t been in love for a long time. She deserves more, I deserve more, regardless of Levi. If he remembers then perhaps something will happen, but…” Erwin cut himself off, biting his lip. “He’s so fucking young.”

Mike hummed in agreement, resting an ankle on his knee. 

“You’re going to end up fucking him at the very least, you know,” Mike said and Erwin turned to him, deep frown and affronted look on his face.

“He’s practically old enough to be my kid,” Erwin said. “Probably,” he added.

“But he’s still Levi and you’re still Erwin. You’re going to end up as one of those sickening couples who marry and hold stupid dinners with people you secretly hate but have to play nice with because they’re the girls’ friends’ parents. You’ll bitch about them when they’re gone and then have crazy sex in ridiculous positions just because you can.” Mike grinned. “But you’re definitely going to fuck him before he gets his memories back. Even your willpower isn’t strong enough to prevent that.”

Erwin crossed his arms over his chest. Mike was almost certainly right, Erwin couldn’t deny that. Erwin wasn’t going to become some shady pervert who creeped on his neighbours’ son the moment he moved in. Well, okay, he was exactly that, but he couldn’t let anyone outside the ones who shared his past life know it. They’d understand his obsession with Levi (though to be fair, Erwin was sure he’d have gravitated to Levi regardless of their past life) and support him.

“What if he never remembers?” Erwin said softly, letting his arms fall to his sides. “I hardly deserved another chance at life, let alone the happiness I’ve had so far. It would make sense.”

Mike looked at him, a serious glint in his eye.

“Don’t you dare think that,” he said. “You deserve every inch of happiness, as does Levi. He’ll remember in time.”

Erwin looked away, the brother Mike was to him shining through. 

“We weren’t reborn for punishment or for a reward. We are what we make of ourselves.” Erwin let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding and his shoulders sank slightly. He let his back fall against the sofa and looked up at the ceiling.

“How the fuck does wooing someone work,” he said and Mike let out a laugh.

“Good luck old man,” he said and Erwin laughed humourlessly, completely lost as to how he was supposed to go on.

(The titans were nothing compared to this task.)

**.**

The next few weeks were hard. As a dutiful neighbour, Erwin visited Levi’s family the day after they’d moved in to offer help and had ended up staying for tea. The couple were very friendly, in their early fifties (Erwin would have died of shame if he’d found out he was older than them – he had no idea of Levi’s actual age and it would just be his luck that Levi looked a lot older than he was or something ridiculous like that) and keen to settle in for the rest of their lives. They spoke sparingly about their son and Erwin couldn’t very well push just yet.

On a night his ex-wife stayed for dinner, Erwin invited them over. She was keen to see the neighbours Erwin seemed interested in, particularly Levi’s mother as she worked in the same industry. The girls were asleep and Erwin was only slightly disappointed to see Levi had stayed at his home instead of joining his parents.

“Oh don’t get me started on the job market,” Levi’s mother said. She had dark, warm eyes, silver-streaked hair and spoke softly. “Our son, Levi, has been looking for a job since he left school and there’s practically nothing.”

Erwin’s heart leapt in his chest.

“How old is he now?” he asked, cutting into his chicken, trying to appear casual.

“Twenty,” Levi’s mother said, taking a sip of wine. “He doesn’t have a degree either so of course it’s a lot harder for him to find something decent. I mean we don’t mind that he decided against university, we just want the best for him.”

“As any parent would,” Erwin commented, glancing to his ex-wife. She nodded her head, smiling.

The conversation drifted away from Levi and Erwin drew back a little, retreating to the kitchen. He was joined a moment later by Levi’s father.

“She doesn’t like me smoking,” he said, referring to his wife. “Says the habit will rub off on Levi, but there’s no chance. He hates it, says it’s a dirty habit.”

Erwin smiled to himself, taking a cheesecake from the fridge. Some habits never died and Levi’s aversion to dirty things seemed to have stuck regardless of what lifetime.

“This might sound a bit forward,” Levi’s father said as Erwin set the cheesecake down. “But I was wondering if you’d talk to Levi about your work? It might inspire him to look outside the box and give him motivation.”

Erwin paused and Levi’s father took it for something else.

“I’m sorry it’s a bit forward and I don’t mean to push. It doesn’t matter,” he rubbed the back of his neck, cigarette pack and lighter in his free hand. “I’ll be back in a minute or so.”

He opened the back door and Erwin followed him, standing in the doorway.

“I work from home most days,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm and even. Erwin’s stomach churned at the thought of seeing Levi properly and he took a shaky breath. “I’m on the school run every day so as long as I can take the girls and pick them up, Levi’s welcome to come over any time.”

Levi’s father thanked him and Erwin returned to the cheesecake, drawing a strange look from his ex-wife when he entered the dining room with a soft smile on his face. She looked concerned, but he shook his head and she shrugged her shoulders. They were still friends, but they had lives of their own now.

Later that night, when he was alone in bed, Erwin rolled onto his side. He checked his phone, groaning at the numbers on screen. He had to be up in a few hours and yet sleep was out of his reach. His entire body had been electrified since mention of Levi coming over had been brought up and there was little chance he’d calm down before the meeting took place.

Erwin moved his left arm under the covers, pushing his pyjama trousers down. He was shirtless, but took to wearing trousers in case there was a problem with the kids in the night. 

His cock was limp ad heavy in his hand. Erwin’s skin erupted in goosepimples as he stroked himself slowly, coaxing his erection to life. He wondered how long it would take for Levi to become hard. In their past life they’d more or less been the same age, but Levi’s body was young and in its prime now. Erwin bet it would take a simple whispered word for Levi to get hard and the thought made his cock twitch in interest.

It had been a while since he’d last had sex and while Erwin had masturbated in that time, he hadn’t thought specifically of anyone. Levi had drifted over his mind, of course, and so had his then-wife, but Levi had been obtainable and his then-wife had been just a friend. Neither had done anything for him.

Yet now… now that Erwin had seen Levi – knew Levi was more than a memory – his entire body was on fire. He shifted onto his back and brought his right hand over to fondle his balls, breathing deepening as he pumped his cock slowly, imagining that Levi was with him, watching him with heavy eyes.

Self-control had always been a strong point of Erwin’s, but he couldn’t pace himself this time. His movements became faster, stroking himself harder as he felt his orgasm build, deep and heady in the pit of his stomach. He came with Levi’s face behind his eyelids and his scent in his memory, biting his lip to stop him groaning Levi’s name. 

Erwin’s chest rose quickly and he sighed, wiping his hands on the duvet cover. It was disgusting and come stained the underside, but he slept in a double bed and he’d wash the sheets tomorrow. He’d dealt with worse situations.

It was three days before Levi himself appeared and Erwin was entirely unprepared when the time came around. Petra hadn’t wanted to go to school that day and she’d ended up throwing some toys around the lounge. Her strop had resulted in both her and Elena being late for school and Erwin missing prep for a meeting. He’d just made the conference call on time and relied on his team to answer most of their customers’ questions.

A headache had set in halfway through the call and when it had ended, Erwin had been ready to call it a day and go back to bed. Unfortunately he had too much paperwork to wade through and a house that needed cleaning thanks to Petra’s unhappiness and the general shenanigans of getting two children ready in the morning so a nap was off the menu for the day.

Erwin was on the last collection of papers when the doorbell rang. He sighed, set his reading glasses down and padded to the front door in his slippers, praying it wasn’t more trouble. He didn’t bother to check the peephole and so stood there, frozen, when the door opened to reveal Levi in skinny jeans and a dark hoodie, hands shoved in his pockets.

“My dad sent me over,” Levi said, glancing over his shoulder and rolling his eyes. “Did I come at a bad time?”

Erwin wanted to reply with something along the lines that there was no way Levi could come at a bad time, but he had a non-creeper image to uphold. Instead he shook his head and moved out of the way, wondering why Petra had felt the need to have her tantrum today of all days.

“This place is a mess on the inside,” Levi said, as blunt as ever. Erwin had long since learnt that Levi never meant harm (well, most of the time – and it really was a mess) and he gave a sigh.

“I know,” Erwin said, pausing as he caught Levi’s startled look. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Levi muttered, looking away. “People don’t like it when I talk like that. I know it’s rude, but it’s just how I am.”

It had always been rude, but Levi had managed to get away with it in their past life. Now, one needed to be polite (to a degree) if one wanted to get ahead and on peoples’ good side. Erwin could tell that Levi didn’t merge well with people and wondered if that was part of the reason he found it hard to get a job

“Well it is a mess here,” Erwin said instead. “You’re blunt and honest, it’s not your fault others don’t like that.”

They moved to the kitchen and Erwin offered food and drink, all of which Levi declined.

“I had lunch at home,” he said, and Erwin blinked, glancing at the clock. He raised an eyebrow as he saw it was almost two and wondered aloud where his day had gone.

“My dad said you own your own business,” Levi said and Erwin nodded, grabbing ingredients to make a quick sandwich.

“Well, technically co-own. We’re not that large, but we get plenty of business. It’s why your father wanted me to talk to you I think, to help you look for other opportunities.” Erwin nodded for them to move to the lounge, sitting down beside each other on the large sofa. It was the same sofa he and Mike had occupied the day Erwin had first seen Levi in this world.

“I’m not sure what you want to know so if you have any questions, you can ask.” Erwin took a bite of his sandwich, swallowing his mouthful before continuing. “Or I can just talk for a bit. I have to leave to pick the kids up at half two, but I’m all yours until then.”

(And Levi would never know how much Erwin meant those last words.)

Erwin finished his sandwich and turned to Levi. He hadn’t spoken and Erwin shifted on the sofa so that he faced Levi as much as possible, patient. He knew how Levi worked and if Levi needed time to think his words through, Erwin would always give it to him.

“I’m only here because my dad wants me here,” he said eventually and Erwin tried to hide the stab of hurt he felt at that. Levi didn’t remember so why else would he be at an old man’s house other than because his dad told him to? Levi didn’t know Erwin, they wouldn’t even function in each others’ lives if not for their past life. And yet that did nothing to stop the churning in Erwin’s stomach.

“He wants me to aim big, as if that’s the only thing that matters.” Levi twisted his fingers in his lap, looking down. Erwin wanted nothing more than to take Levi’s hands in his own and press them to his lips, and perhaps one day he might. 

“I don’t want to do something like that,” Levi muttered, scowling. He glanced to Erwin and seemed to scowl even deeper. “Yet here I am telling a fucking stranger everything. You must think I’m some shitty work-charity case or something.”

Erwin knew what was coming next and remained silent. Levi had always needed a process to get to know people, people he could come to trust. He lashed out and fought them tooth and nail and it was exactly what he was doing here. Erwin wasn’t going anywhere though. He hadn’t in their old life and he hadn’t changed a bit since then.

“I don’t want to work for your company. You probably do something really boring anyway, like manufacture toilets or something useless. I never once said I wanted to work a shit office job and yet I’m being forced to talk to some old man about his stupid job.” Levi was almost fully talking to himself and Erwin sighed, trying not to smile. He might not have his memories, but Levi was still _Levi_

“What do you want to do then?” Erwin said, lying back on the sofa. “Obviously not a boring office job, but there has to be something you want.”

Levi looked at him with narrowed eyes, distrustful. 

“A botanist,” he said sharply, as if he expected Erwin to laugh or ridicule him. 

Erwin did nothing of the sort. He raised his eyebrows, looking away from Levi and nodding to himself. Levi had always liked the trees, particularly the large forest, but he’d never known him to be a massive fan of plants.

“What’s stopping you doing it?” Erwin asked and from the jerk of Levi’s shoulders he knew Levi didn’t get that question often.

Levi didn’t answer, but Erwin was content to sit in silence with him. He turned the TV on and ended up flicking to one of the nature channels. A documentary named Titans of Nature was on and Erwin wanted to smile at the coincidence. Levi didn’t even blink at it and they watched the documentary for a while, Erwin standing up in the second break.

“I need to collect the girls,” he said and Levi nodded solemnly, making to stand. “You can stay if you want though. You can have dinner here if you want too, you might as well make the most of this opportunity to hide from your father.”

Erwin smiled in what he hoped was a non-creepy way and it seemed to pass Levi’s narrowed, judgemental stare. 

As he drove to Petra’s school, Erwin wondered what Levi thought of him. Did he think he was some odd pervert? Or perhaps a naïve, too-trusting neighbour who would give anyone the run of his home. Erwin hoped it was neither. He’d never have let anyone else stay in his home like Levi and perhaps it was a little odd… but still. Erwin couldn’t help how he felt.

“Papa!” Petra said as she ran out of her class. She looked up at him, clinging to his shirt, with wide eyes. “I’m sorry I said I hated you. I don’t hate you, I love you.”

She hugged him tightly and Erwin scooped her up in his arms, kissing her cheek and smiling.

“I love you too,” he said, carrying her to the car. “We’ll stop and get some treats from the shop on our way home.”

After he picked Elena up, Erwin drove to their local shop and let the girls pick out a treat. He stopped by the dessert aisle and picked up a selection of cakes he’d know Levi would like. Regardless of whether it was creepy or not, Erwin wanted Levi to feel safe and welcomed at his house. If they couldn’t have a romantic or sexual relationship then Erwin was set on being friends with Levi.

Petra ran into the house first, brandishing her chocolate lollipop with enthusiasm. Elena followed at a more sedate pace, calling out in confusion as Erwin passed over the threshold.

“Papa?” Elena said, looking at Levi with wide eyes. “Is he a burglar?”

Petra zoned in then, throwing her arms up, almost dropping her chocolate. She screamed in excitement and took off running around the house. Erwin wondered if chocolate had been a good idea after all and looked apologetically to Levi.

“This is Levi, he lives across the road,” he offered to Elena and she turned away, heading upstairs, unconcerned now that she knew Levi wasn’t a threat.

Petra was still happily running around the house and Erwin shook his head, moving to the kitchen to deposit the shopping. It was then that he noticed the state of the house and returned to the lounge in surprise.

“You didn’t have to clean,” he said and Levi shrugged, a light flush on his cheeks.

“You looked like you needed a bit of help,” Levi offered and Erwin smiled, turning away. He wondered how he’d ever be able to cope with only being friends with Levi. It was their first proper meeting and already his heart ached to hold Levi again.

Erwin thanked him and retreated to the kitchen to make dinner. It was a while before Levi wandered in, face open and vulnerable. Erwin had never seen him like this when he’d been awake and he felt a little guilty. He had authority over Levi, knew more of Levi’s secrets than he probably did himself, and knew that their relationship was always going to be unfair until Levi remembered.

“Elena’s watching something,” he offered, as if he needed to explain his presence. “Petra said I should come and see what you were doing.”

“I was just reading a few recipe ideas,” Erwin said. “Do you cook at all?”

Levi shook his head. “I don’t get much of an opportunity to,” he said. “But I make a decent sandwich?”

The smile Levi gave was a tentative slip of a thing, nothing compared to the broad grin Erwin gave. Erwin’s heart fluttered and his palms were slightly sweaty, the effect of Levi opening up to him. 

“I’m pathetic,” Erwin muttered to himself, out of Levi’s earshot.

“Well if I ever need a sandwich, I know who to call,” Erwin said with a smirk, turning to his recipe book and closing it with a slight grimace. Was he really starting to flirt with a Levi who was sixteen years younger than him?

“You can call me anytime,” Levi said hurriedly and Erwin turned around sharply, not sure if he’d heard correctly. Levi seemed to realise what he’d said for he looked away and stammered his reply.

“I mean, I’m going to tell my dad you’re helping me look for options, if that’s okay, so I need your number to talk to you so… so he thinks I’m telling the truth.” Levi nodded, looking everywhere but at Erwin. “If… if it’s okay with you.”

Erwin took his phone from his pocket, fighting the urge to sprint to Levi’s side and exchange numbers. Instead he unlocked it and held it out to Levi.

“Just add yourself,” he said, feigning calm when all he wanted to do was roll on the floor like an over-excited puppy. “You’re welcome to come over whenever you like as well. I know what it’s like to feel pressure from above and I bet you need a break every now and then.”

Technically it was true. Not in this lifetime perhaps (Erwin’s desired had matched his parents and he’d always been driven enough so they never had a need to comment on his career), but he’d certainly felt pressure when he’d been Commander.

“Thanks,” Levi said quietly, punching in his number and ringing his phone, saving Erwin’s details to his phone. It was a simple gesture, but as Erwin tended to dinner, he felt a swell of pride that a little piece of himself would always be with Levi now.

Petra showed up soon after to drag Levi into a game with her. Erwin shot an apologetic look over his shoulder, but Levi shook his head and wandered off happily. Over dinner, Petra demanded that Levi sit next to her and Elena took Erwin’s usual seat, leaving Erwin to take his ex-wife’s vacated seat. It felt right though, to have Levi at the table with them, and let Erwin look up to Levi across the circular table.

As they were finishing up, Levi’s phone rang in his pocket and he looked at it. It turned out to be his father and he excused himself from the table, much to both Erwin and Petra’s dismay. To both their even further dismay, Levi said that he needed to go home now and Erwin showed him out, waiting until he entered his house to go back to the table.

“I like Levi,” Petra said as Erwin tucked her into bed a little later. “I want him to be my best friend.”

Erwin kissed her forehead, smiling. It seemed that Petra still loved Levi in this world. Many had seemed to think she held romantic feelings for Levi, but Erwin had known it was pure admiration mixed with familial love. He hoped that she’d find someone she loved in this world, someone who truly deserved her.

“We’ll have to invite him over again then,” Erwin promised, wishing her a goodnight and heading back downstairs to join Elena.

“Are you going to marry Levi?” she asked and Erwin looked at her with wide eyes.

“Sorry?” he said, unable to reply properly.

“Are you going to marry Levi? I know you like him.” She looked up at him, ignoring the cartoon on screen. “We’ve been doing about soul mates at school. I think he’s your soul mate.”

She turned away and added, “You should marry him, even if you’re an old man.”

Erwin ran a hand through his hair, joining her on the sofa. He had no idea how to reply and so didn’t bother. Elena didn’t need a reply anyway, she’d said what she needed to. She was unusually perceptive, though she tended to keep to herself. Erwin had always trusted her judgement (despite her age) and wondered if he would end up marrying Levi one day.

That night Erwin made sure to keep a roll of tissue on the desk. He didn’t want to be changing sheets every single night, after all.

**.**

Dad’s asking me about work again read the first text. Erwin typed a quick reply, holding his pen between his teeth.

_Come over if you want. I’m just working on something right now, won’t take me too long though._

_Be over in 5 _Levi sent a second later and Erwin smiled to himself, returning to work. He heard the front door go and then the TV, Levi settling into the routine they’d developed over the past two weeks.__

__Today was a Saturday though, the first time Levi had come over on a weekend. It was still the morning and the girls had already been dropped off at their mother’s. She’d finally found a house and snapped it up quickly. The girls had been excited to help her move in and Erwin’s offer of help had been declined, which he was thankful for._ _

__It was another hour before Erwin decided he’d done enough work. He didn’t really need to be going through his work now, but it didn’t hurt to organise old things when projects were running smoothly._ _

__Levi was spread out on the sofa, relaxed and reading a book. The TV was off – had been for a while – and he looked up with a small smile as Erwin entered the room._ _

__“I’m going to apply for an apprenticeship,” Levi said excitedly, closing his book and sitting up, making room for Erwin. “They only take on three applicants, but the botanical gardens nearby are offering it, all tuition paid for. If I got it…” Levi shook his head, unable to form the words._ _

__It would be the opportunity of a lifetime for Levi, Erwin knew._ _

__“I can help you apply if you need it,” Erwin said and Levi lit up. He leant forwards, grabbing the fabric of Erwin’s trousers in excitement._ _

__“Thank you,” he said hurriedly. “You’ve done so much for me the past few weeks. I…” he broke off and Erwin waited. Levi had never been an open person, even in this world, but Erwin liked to think that he could remember a little of the trust they’d shared instinctively._ _

__“I don’t think I’d have even thought about applying if not for you.” Levi let go of Erwin’s trousers and Erwin suddenly felt a chill where Levi’s hand had been. He couldn’t ask Levi to put his hand back though so he shifted position, settling his arm on the back of the sofa. His fingers would brush against Levi’s head if he sat back and the thought gave him a little warmth._ _

__They worked on the application over the weekend, Levi vanishing home a few times to gather his laptop and then for meals and sleep. He returned on Sunday, ringing Erwin when he’d been unable to get in. Erwin had still been asleep and he’d wandered downstairs blearily, letting Levi in and vanishing back upstairs to make himself more presentable._ _

__“Come on old man,” Levi quipped as he descended the stairs, dressed in lounging clothes and fully groomed. He bristled at Levi’s new nickname for him and retreated to the kitchen, barefooted and in need of food._ _

__“Do you want something?” Erwin asked as he cracked eggs, ending up making two portions in the end. Levi tucked in enthusiastically, not once apologising for coming over so early. Erwin didn’t need an apology though and he finished his eggs happily, forgoing the Sunday paper in favour of watching Levi pour over some leaflets as he tucked into his own food._ _

__“What got you into botany?” Erwin asked, licking away the last of his breakfast from his lips. Levi looked up in interest, looking away in consideration a moment later._ _

__“I like plants,” he said, mouth twitching. “Which sounds a bit pathetic, but I’ve always felt better when close to nature. Plants are important,” Levi said, eyes focused on something Erwin couldn’t see He could hear the passion in Levi’s voice and rested his chin on his hand, smiling fondly as Levi continued to talk._ _

__“I want to nurture them. They deserve to live in this world just as the rest of us, but so many people want to destroy the rainforests and don’t realise the importance plants play in our lives.” Levi sighed. “I know most people think plants are boring, but they’re actually rather amazing.”_ _

__Erwin nodded. “I think it’s brilliant to have something you’re passionate about.”_ _

__Levi smiled. “Thanks,” he said, returning to his leaflets and Erwin left him alone._ _

__“What’s the word when you’re thinking about something, but not sure?” Levi asked a little while later. He was lying on his stomach on the floor of the lounge before his laptop, Erwin going through some papers on the sofa. Erwin looked at him through his glasses._ _

__“Consider?” he offered and Levi nodded, returning to his typing with gusto._ _

__“Hey Erwin,” Levi said a moment later, sitting up. He commanded every inch of Erwin’s attention with those two words. “How come I’ve never seen your wife?”_ _

__It wasn’t what Erwin had expected at all and he straightened the papers beside him._ _

__“My parents always ask whether I’ve met her or not. I know my mum’s been out with her for lunch once too.” Levi twisted his fingers in the space between his legs, trying to act as if he didn’t care for the answer, but Erwin knew him unlike any other and knew that the issue had been eating at Levi for a while._ _

__He didn’t dare let himself think that this meant Levi liked him in that way. Levi’s parents seemed to ask him constant questions; perhaps he just wanted them off of his back._ _

__“We separated a while ago,” Erwin said simply. “We’re going through the last of the divorce processes.”_ _

__Levi’s eyes widened a little and Erwin felt the need to go on._ _

__“We’re still friends, but there’s nothing between us anymore – wasn’t for a long while.” He bit the inside of his cheek, feeling apprehensive as to what Levi would think._ _

__“Oh,” was Levi’s reply. “I assumed you didn’t like wearing your ring.”_ _

__Erwin ducked his head, fiddling with the corner of one of the papers and trying not to look too pleased at the fact Levi had taken notice of him to such a degree._ _

__“We made the decision on my last birthday,” Erwin said and Levi nodded. They already knew each others’ birthdays, favourite colours, preferred foods (etc.) – though Erwin had technically already remembered them._ _

__“Well I’ll make sure your next one is much better,” Levi said, turning back to his laptop. He didn’t seem to realise the reaction Erwin had had to those words, something Erwin was grateful for. It had been a while since he’d grown hard just at an innocent sentence, but there he was, cock wanting to be noticed._ _

__Fuck, he was pathetic._ _

__As it happened, Levi did end up meeting his ex-wife. She dropped the kids off and stopped by for her routine cup of coffee, raising an eyebrow as she saw Petra climbing over Levi, who was still sprawled on the floor._ _

__“You must be Levi?” she said and Levi looked at her, the smile he’d shared with Petra fading. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”_ _

__Erwin moved to the kitchen and was joined shortly by her, her eyes glinting and smirk on her lips._ _

__“So that’s Levi,” she said. Erwin looked at her sharply, recognising the tone and instantly on alert. When she used that particular tone, she knew too much._ _

__“Yes,” Erwin said tightly, passing her a mug of coffee. They moved to the dining room, the spring in his ex-wife’s step clear. She definitely knew too much._ _

__“The girls love him. Even Ellie’s been telling me all about the mysterious Mr. Levi.” She took a dainty sip and Erwin shifted in his chair. This was worse than any interrogation he’d ever gone through in his past life._ _

__“And Petra outright wants to marry him. Or she would, but she’s informed me that she won’t be able to as papa’s going to be the one to marry Levi.” She smiled widely and Erwin’s cheeks darkened under her gaze._ _

__“We’re not…” Erwin began. “We’re not like that.”_ _

__“But you want it to be,” she said, striking the nail on the head. Erwin froze, gaze locked on his mug of coffee. He felt shame creep along his collar – not shame for loving Levi, but shame that someone had noticed before Levi._ _

__He was so young in this lifetime._ _

__“From everything I’ve heard, I think he’ll be good for you.” Erwin looked up in surprise, finding warm eyes. “He’s young, but when you two are together…”_ _

__She looked away, shaking her head._ _

__“You two look like you’re supposed to be together and I’ve only seen him with Petra crawling all over him. It’s as if he’s the one who’s lived here for years, he belongs by your side.” She took a sip of coffee. “I’m happy for you.”_ _

__Erwin searched for words, but couldn’t grasp at any. His ex-wife was the only one outside of those who remembered Erwin would trust and he nodded his head, reaching for his coffee._ _

__“Nothing could happen,” he offered and she laughed._ _

__“Erwin, you’ve never settled for getting any less that you deserve. You take what you want without remorse, but you won’t need to tackle Levi like that. I can tell by the way he acts here that he likes you more than just a neighbour would.” She drained her coffee. “Make up for all the boring sex we had. I might set my sights on someone younger too!”_ _

__She left, gracing Levi with a kiss to the cheek which left him stunned for a moment. Erwin leant against the kitchen doorway and hummed._ _

__“She’s an interesting person,” he said. “She likes you too.”_ _

__Levi nodded slowly, turning back to his laptop. Erwin pretended not to notice that it took him a while to return to typing and instead made a start on dinner._ _

__Three days later, Erwin was in his office when he heard a knock on the office door. Levi nodded to him slowly and Erwin smiled, setting his papers down and letting Levi place his laptop on the desk. They’d already gone through multiple times to check for errors and now it was finally time to submit the application._ _

__It was just a simple button Levi had to click, but he hovered the mouse over it for a moment. Erwin touched his arm gently, smiling encouragingly, and Levi looked at him, dark eyes exactly how they were in Erwin’s memory._ _

__He ached then. Ached to pull Levi to him, to kiss him and to wrap his arms around him, to tell him that everything would be okay and that they would face everything together. He ached to lace his fingers with Levi’s, to take him upstairs and curl around him. He ached to wake up with Levi at his side every morning, to slink downstairs and make breakfast and to see him every day. Erwin wanted to keep the smile on Levi’s lips and let laughter lines form in place of tiredness and stress._ _

__“You can do it,” Erwin said instead, removing his hand from Levi’s arm and leaning on the table. Levi considered his words before submitting the application and turning to Erwin, jaw clenched._ _

__He moved forwards then, wrapping his arms around Erwin’s shoulders. Erwin froze, Levi’s scent overwhelming him. His hair smelt of some kind of wild berry (trust Levi to use good quality shampoo, not like the generic brand Erwin had in his own bathroom) and Erwin’s heart leapt up to his throat. He resisted the urge to hold Levi, knowing that if he did, he’d never be able to let go._ _

__“Thank you,” Levi whispered against his ear. And then he was gone, laptop with him, before Erwin could properly register._ _

__Erwin made it to the hall in time to see the front door shut and knew that Levi needed his space, even if his chest ached._ _

__Besides, he needed to pick up the girls soon._ _

____

**.**

Levi didn’t come around anymore. Petra had asked why, but Erwin had been unable to give her a proper answer and settled for telling her Levi had too much work to do. She accepted it, glumly, and wandered off to annoy Elena.

“You seem down,” Armin said at a parent-teacher meeting. Erwin blinked at the sudden change from how Elena was doing (she was smart, just as Armin had expected, and seemed happy) and shrugged. He hadn’t told Armin about Levi yet and shifted uncomfortably in his chair, checking his watch. They still had seven minutes left of their appointment, Erwin reckoned he could tell Armin now.

“Levi lives across from me,” he said and Armin’s face practically split with the huge grin he gave.

“Really? Did he move in recently? We need to go for a drink. Let me text Eren-“ Armin reached for his phone, but Erwin interrupted.

“He doesn’t remember.” The smile slid from Armin’s face. “And he’s twenty.” Armin paled, setting his phone down on the table slowly.

“How…” he began, shaking his head instead. “How are you coping with it?”

Erwin was surprised by the question. While he and Levi had never hidden their relationship in their past life, they’d hardly flaunted it (when had they ever really had time?). Erwin hadn’t realised that Armin had known and wondered if the other two did.

“Everyone knew,” Armin said and the corners of Erwin’s mouth downturned for a moment. “It was easy to see from the way you two looked at each other. If anyone else was in the room, good luck to get your full attention.”

Pausing, Armin slid his phone away and looked down at the list on his desk.

“You better go now,” he said. “But if you need to talk, just shoot me a text.”

Erwin was lucky to have such a vast network of support. He shook Armin’s hand and promised they’d go drinking soon. He drove home, ignoring the radio, wondering if he’d ever be able to take Levi on one of his meet-ups with people from their past life.

He didn’t like to think of it much. Erwin didn’t want to think of what he’d do if Levi never remembered. It wasn’t a possibility he wanted to even consider, though he sometimes did in the dead of the night, breaking into a sweat as he woke from a titan-featuring dream. When he woke his right arm was fuzzy and pain lanced along it, phantom pains from his dreams (memories), and whereas Levi would have been there before, his bed was too big and too empty.

The girls were at their mother’s for the night and Erwin moved upstairs, not even bothering with lights. He fell onto his bed, fully clothes and on top of the duvet, staring at the ceiling and wondering why Levi hadn’t remembered. 

“I need you,” Erwin whispered, thinking of the happiness Mike, Nanaba, Hange, Moblit, Armin, Eren and Mikasa had. Yes, Erwin had been happy before, but Levi was so much more. He wanted Levi to live a happy life this time around and wanted to be the one to share a happy life with him.

Erwin sighed. There was nothing he could do and he knew he would wait forever if he had to.

**.**

“I’m really sorry to bother you like this,” Erwin said down the phone, gesturing for Petra to get her school bags together. “But I was wondering if you could do me a massive favour and look after the girls this afternoon. Petra’s school closes early today and their mother’s unable to look after them either.”

Levi was silent over the line and Erwin hoped he didn’t sound too pushy. Elena opened the front door and the girls set off for the car. Erwin checked his watch and swore under his breath, following them and putting his mobile on speaker once he was in the car.

“I wouldn’t normally ask, but I’m kind of desperate. I’ll pay you of course, and I should be back at about eight.” Erwin started the car. “Elena’s getting dropped off when her school’s done by a friend of mine who teaches her,” thank fuck for Armin, Erwin thought.

“I can walk to Petra’s school,” Levi said, finally. He sounded a little subdued and Erwin had to push down the spike of worry he felt. “What time does she finish?”

Relief flooded Erwin’s body and he thanked Levi, giving him the details he needed. Petra was excited that Levi would be picking her up from school and she left Erwin with a smile, joining a group of friends and whispering away.

“I’ll try and get home as soon as I can,” Erwin said to Elena. She’d been taken home a few times by Armin before and knew the routine well. Erwin was grateful he had such understanding children.

The meeting he’d been forced to attend went well, even if it did drag on. Attending their customers was Nile and he greeted Erwin warmly in their break, showing him pictures of his children and Mary. Erwin felt nothing when he looked at her picture, but he promised to invite Nile round once the deal was done. Their children would no doubt get on well.

It was closer to ten than the promised eight when Erwin could finally leave the office. He texted Levi that he was on his way home, accompanied with an apology. He didn’t receive a reply and entered the house quietly, suspicions confirmed when he saw Levi asleep on the sofa.

He woke as Erwin approached him, blinking slowly and groaning. 

“What time is it?” he asked and Erwin checked his watch.

“Just gone ten. Sorry to keep you here so long.” Erwin gave an apologetic smile. Levi pushed himself up a little, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head.

“I told my parents I was staying over.” He looked at Erwin, challenging him to make a remark. “You’ve got really comfy sofas.”

Erwin loosened his tie, raising an eyebrow.

“You can use the spare room,” he suggested, and wondered if Levi would accept an excuse of sleep walking if Erwin snuck in in the middle of the night. No – that was definitely creepy.

“Hm,” Levi said, sitting up fully and picking a sheet of paper from the table. He passed it to Erwin without comment and Erwin scanned the paper. He took the words in and his fingers loosened, the paper slipping from his grasp.

“You got in,” he said, smile spreading across his lips. Levi’s mouth trembled in return and he let out a laugh, springing up and nodding enthusiastically.

“I got the letter today. I was so scared when I opened it…” Levi covered his mouth with his hand, throwing his arms up a moment later. “I got Ellie to read it to me.”

Erwin wanted this moment to stay forever. He wanted Levi to be here for him and his (their?) children. He wanted Ellie to read Levi the things he was too scared to hear, wanted Petra to make tiny plaits in his hair and wanted to stand proudly above them, knowing that he was Levi’s.

“Well done,” Erwin said, reaching down to pick up the botanist’s reply. Levi deserved this, he’d worked for this and Erwin couldn’t be happier. 

He moved to place the letter on the table, a celebratory drink in mind, but Levi’s hands caught his own and he looked down in surprise.

“Levi?” he said and Levi tightened his grasp, fingers pale with the pressure they were exerting. 

“I’m not an idiot,” he said, looking away from Erwin. “And I’m not some kid. My parents said I should stop bothering you if I got in, but…” Levi’s hand slipped from Erwin’s arm and he moved his head down, running his hands through his hair and knotting his fingers into dark strands.

“I know I’m a lot younger than you, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” Levi gave a desperate little laugh, removing his fingers from his hair. He looked at Erwin, eyes full of fear and half-hidden hope.

Erwin knew that this would be his undoing. Levi might not remember, but he was still his Levi. He’d been through a far better life in this world, but his eyes were still the same. He was more open – younger – and Erwin knew he was done for then.

At the first touch of Erwin’s fingers against his jaw, Levi tensed. His breathing stuttered in his chest before he relaxed, Erwin’s left hand slipping down his neck. 

“It should be me confessing to you,” Erwin said, whispering into the shell of Levi’s ear. He felt the shiver pass through Levi’s body and let his knees rest on the sofa, straddling Levi. He could feel the bulge in Levi’s jeans and his own cock stirred in interest.

“I should have bought you a massive bouquet of flowers,” Erwn said, smiling against Levi’s jaw. He wouldn’t kiss him properly, not yet, and left the tiniest imprint of his lips on the corner of Levi’s jaw, tender.

“Perhaps some chocolates too.” Erwin kissed the underside of Levi’s jaw, then his earlobe. Levi’s hands moved around his back, fingers clutching at Erwin’s shirt as he moved his head to the side, granting Erwin permission to kiss his neck.

“I should have taken you to a restaurant,” Erwin said as he pulled back a little, licking his lips, tasting Levi all over himself. “Nothing too fancy, but somewhere tasty.” His eyes were heavy and he moved his right hand down to stroke Levi through his jeans.

A quiet groan slid from Levi’s throat and his head fell back against the sofa. His hand moved to undo his jeans, but Erwin stopped him gently, moving over Levi to kiss him properly.

He had memories of kissing Levi from before, but they were nothing compared to the real thing. Levi met him firmly, arms tightening around Erwin’s shoulders, and Erwin almost forgot to breathe, so absorbed with Levi. They parted, Erwin half-panting, and he kneeled up, allowing Levi to awkwardly wriggle out of his jeans.

“Maybe I’ll do that another day,” Erwin muttered, kissing Levi again. Levi nipped at his lip, sending a thrill through Erwin’s entire frame. He opened his mouth obediently, letting Levi take control of the kiss, licking at his lips and coaxing his tongue out.

“Do you want to fuck me?” Erwin asked. His voice was husky and he could feel Levi’s dick leaving sticky marks on his trousers. His own cock needed a release and all Erwin wanted was for Levi to be inside of him, completely his.

Levi broke away at the question, pupils blown wide and mouth red. He nodded his head, swallowing thickly, and Erwin slid off of the sofa with promises that he’d be back in a second.

He stripped on his way upstairs, not caring if his trousers were a slip hazard or his shirt might be ripped. Erwin grabbed the bottle of lube he always kept in his draw, but hesitated on a condom. They’d never used one in their past life and it wasn’t as if Levi could get him pregnant. Erwin bit his lip; he wasn’t going to risk it. 

Levi’s thighs were spread apart and his hand was stroking his cock slowly when Erwin re-entered the lounge. His eyes raked up Erwin’s body and he looked like the cat that had got the cream.

“Stop smirking,” Erwin said, setting the bottle of lube beside them. He unwrapped the condom, covered Levi’s cock in lube and slid him into the rubber.

“I fucking hate condoms,” Levi muttered against his neck, but he didn’t ask to take it off. He kissed Erwin’s neck softly, taking the lube from his hands gently and pouring some onto his fingers.

Levi moved his hand down and Erwin brought their cocks together to distract himself from the initial discomfort. Heat curled in his stomach as Levi slipped another finger in, Erwin rolling his hips upon instinct. As he moved, his hand tightened on their cocks and Levi hissed, finger jerkin inside of Erwin.

“I’ll be okay,” Erwin whispered in his ear. Levi wasn’t the biggest and it would still be a little uncomfortable, but Erwin couldn’t wait. He wanted Levi now and always got what he wanted. 

The shaky breaths Levi gave as Erwin sank down on his cock was worth the discomfort. Erwin’s hand on Levi’s shoulder steadied him and he closed his eyes, sinking to the hilt of Levi’s cock and rolling his hips in a circle slowly.

“Look at me,” Levi said, voice almost desperate. Erwin raised himself a little, Levi’s hands gripping his hips and helping to support him. He opened his eyes and surged forward, riding Levi as he kissed him fiercely.

Erwin wanted Levi to know how he felt, how much he wanted him. Even without their past lives, Erwin knew he would always, always, choose Levi. It was almost as if he had no choice and he felt elation rise in his throat as Levi let a hand fall from his hip to wrap around his cock.

Tilting his hips and resting his hands on the back of the sofa in support, Erwin felt the tip of Levi’s dick brush his prostate and he shuddered. He’d never had sex with another man before, though he had used his fingers on himself before, but he swore in that moment that no one would ever make him feel how Levi did. Even if Levi ran off after this, Erwin didn’t think he could ever have sex with someone else ever again.

“Levi,” Erwin panted, teeth grazing Levi’s neck. “Levi.”

Levi pushed up and from the noises he was making, Erwin could tell he was close. He grazed his teeth a little harder against Levi’s jugular, kissing him and licking his skin, marking him gently. The marks wouldn’t show tomorrow, but Erwin would forever know he had been there, kissed along Levi’s neck and had him inside. The thought, combined with Levi’s pace, was enough to make Erwin come. He shuddered and grunted, holding Levi close.

“Erwin,” Levi moaned against him, body shuddering as he came too. Erwin let his weight sink down onto Levi’s thighs, keeping him trapped inside of his body for a little longer.

They were both sweaty and come stained and Levi was the first to make a move. He nudged Erwin gently, grimacing as he stood to take the condom off. He disappeared into the kitchen and Erwin sank back on the sofa for a moment, careful to keep come from spilling onto the fabric.

Levi stood at the door for a moment, looking ridiculously young. Erwin looked at him from an upside-down perspective and felt the first stirrings of guilt in his stomach. Levi was so young and he had no idea of the other world Erwin had in his head.

“Shall we go upstairs?” Erwin offered instead, rising from the sofa.

Levi’s nod was slightly shy and Erwin was halfway up the stairs before he registered that Levi was moving to collect his clothing. He followed Erwin silently, bundle of their clothes in his arms, and stopped in the hall, just outside the spare room.

“If you think I’m going to let you sleep in that room then you have a low opinion of me,” Erwin said, voice low. He didn’t know what he’d do if Levi left him now and he waited, hand on his bedroom door, heart pounding.

“Are you sure?” Levi asked and Erwin let his hand slip from the handle, marching over to Levi and taking his hand. He dragged him into the dark room, turning a lamp on when he let go of Levi.

“I don’t want just a quick fuck from you, Levi,” he admitted, voice steadier than he’d thought it would be. 

He grabbed some tissue and wiped the remainder of the come off, taking the clothes from Levi and dropping them in the corner of the room. Erwin cleaned Levi slowly, kissing him softly when he was done.

“If you don’t want something more then you’re free to sleep in the spare room or even go back home. Just know that this meant more to me than simple sex.” He paused. Levi hadn’t gone running yet and Erwin risked pulling him closer, pushing the bed covers back.

“I never wanted it to be a quick fuck,” Levi said as he clambered in after Erwin, curling up and letting Erwin spoon him. “I really like you, in case you didn’t realise.”

Erwin smiled and pressed a kiss against the nape of his neck, tucking his body against Levi’s tightly, as if they could never be separated.

“I really like you too,” Erwin said, biting back the urge to say love. “I’ll wake you in the morning with a special treat.”

Erwin closed his eyes, letting Levi wonder whether he meant a nice breakfast or a blowjob. (He meant both).

**.**

Erwin woke before Levi and left him sleeping, knowing the girls would be waking soon. He shut his bedroom door and turned the radio on when he entered the kitchen, making sure the girls would come straight downstairs instead of to his room.

The plan worked perfectly and Erwin marvelled at how deeply Levi slept in this lifetime. Erwin would never have been able to dress without Levi waking before and he paused, smiling fondly as Levi shifted in bed, curling up a little.

“Can Levi look after us more?” Petra said in the car. “I like him more than the other person.”

The other person referred to the babysitter Erwin usually used, a nice enough cousin on their mother’s side. Erwin shrugged his shoulders.

“That depends on Levi,” he said and Petra pouted, turning to the window and remaining silent in a sulk for the remainder of the journey, even ignoring Elena.

When he returned home, Erwin sent an email to one of his colleagues that he’d be starting a little later than usual and stalked upstairs, stripping his jeans and top off and slipping back into bed.

Levi – finally – opened his eyes slowly, taking a moment to fully understand what was before him. Erwin smiled, hoping that Levi hadn’t suddenly changed his mind, and relief flooded through him when Levi smiled back.

“You slept in,” Erwin said, scooting closer. Levi let an arm fall over Erwin’s chest, tucking against Erwin. His cock pressed against Erwin’s thigh and he smiled, moving his leg just an inch or so.

“What time do you have to be home?” Erwin said, rolling over on top of Levi, kissing him before he received an answer.

“Probably soon,” Levi said, arching his back as Erwin moved down, kissing his collar and sternum, a hand brushing against one of his nipples. “Not too soon though.”

Erwin hummed in agreement, taking Levi’s nipple in his mouth and sucking gently, rolling the skin against his tongue. Levi hummed, shifting his hips, seeking out friction against his cock, but Erwin was a patient man. He’d had years to get the need for a quick, senseless fuck out of his system and he wanted to undo Levi, make him shudder under his touch.

Fingers pressed against Erwin’s shoulder and Erwin looked up. Levi’s cheeks were flushed and a hand had come up to press against his mouth, teeth visible as they bit into flesh.

“Please,” Levi said and that was something that had never changed. Levi’s manners in bed were impeccable, despite the rest of the world being convinced he had none. “I won’t be able to hold on.”

Erwin understood and kissed his way down Levi’s stomach. He was skinny yet muscular – nothing on his former life, but Erwin’s body wasn’t the same either. They didn’t need to perform risky manouevers anymore and it was understandable they were softer in this world.

Despite Levi’s insistence, Erwin couldn’t help but move slowly. He wanted to treasure every inch of Levi’s skin, memorise him in this moment and every moment to come.

“You’re perfect,” Erwin said and Levi’s flush darkened. His cock twitched between Erwin’s shoulder and his belly, heat radiating from him. Erwin looked at him in sympathy, giving into Levi’s desires and running a hand over Levi slowly.

“Oh,” Levi said, body relaxing for a moment before tensing once again. Erwin kissed the base of his cock, tongue slipping from his lips to lick his way up, smiling as he cleaned Levi of precome.

Erwin stooped low, lips pressed to Levi’s balls. He took one in his mouth gently, tongue massaging him, as he pumped a hand up over heated skin. Levi opened his thighs a little more, giving everything to Erwin as he let Levi’s balls hang low and took him entirely into his mouth.

“Fuck,” Levi hissed, propping himself onto his elbows. His eyes were heavy as Erwin moved up and down, one hand massaging where his mouth left off. “Fuck.”

As he’d warned before, it didn’t take long for Levi to come. Come dribbled across Erwin’s bottom lip and he licked at it distractedly, ignoring Levi’s wide-eyed look.

“You swallowed,” he said and Erwin nodded. He enjoyed it, why wouldn’t he? He always had in their past life and-

Oh. 

Levi didn’t remember.

“I did,” he said instead, lying beside Levi and trying to stem the panic beginning to flow through him. He’d forgotten, like an idiot.

“Do you want me to…” Levi asked, gesturing down Erwin’s body. Erwin shook his head.

“You better get back before your parents wander over looking for you,” he said, kissing Levi after the words. Erwin might be having an internal crisis, but that didn’t mean he wanted Levi to stay gone forever. He needed a moment to think about his life choices (was it too early to call Mike for a drink?), but he definitely knew that one of his choices involved Levi by his side.

Not that that stopped the guilt he felt.

“I’m old,” Erwin said with a smile. “I’ll have a wank in the shower thinking of you.” 

Levi flushed slightly and Erwin grinned wolfishly. Levi was absolutely adorable and he couldn’t wait to tease him once he regained his memories. (If, a tiny voice in the back of Erwin’s head said, but he ignored it for now.)

Reluctantly, Levi dragged himself from the bed and marched to the bathroom without a word. Erwin waited a moment, until he heard the water, and sighed, closing his eyes. He really shouldn’t follow Levi, but the inevitable was going to happen and Erwin slipped his underwear off hurriedly as he sprinted to the bathroom.

Three rooms in one night was a good start.

**.**

Levi had left only after a heated make-out session against the wall by the front door. Erwin hoped the little shit was suffering an awkward boner in front of his parents right now as he didn’t have the time himself to masturbate.

Erwin had always been able to compartmentalise. He recognised it was what he was doing now, but he continued on, ploughing through work and picking the girls up when he needed. Life was simple, life was easy, and he even carried on a conversation with Levi through text. He promised that the next time Levi came around they’d get to know each other a little more, maybe watch a film between bouts of sex, and managed not to freak out until the kids were in bed and the house was quiet.

“Hange,” he said down the phone, “I think I’m having a mid-life crisis.”

And Hange being Hange, she took it as a sign that Erwin needed company to waste away the evening and dragged Moblit, Mike and Nanaba with her. She hugged Erwin as she entered, passing him two bottles of wine, and marched off to the kitchen.

The others greeted him a little less enthusiastically (something Erwin was thankful for) and they moved to the lounge, Hange dishing out the drinks merrily. 

“So what’s your crisis?” she asked and Erwin stared at the sofa. She was sat on the exact spot he’d ridden Levi the night before and while he’d turned the cushion over (he’d wash the case another day), his mind was stuck on last night.

“Erwin?” she prompted and he looked at her, shaking his head.

“Levi,” he said simply and Moblit hummed in sympathy. Erwin knew that Moblit knew a little more of how he felt – he’d remembered some weeks before Hange they’d told him. When Hange had remembered it had been like coming home and she’d thrown herself at Moblit, launching into hours of titan-reminiscing.

“Don’t you ever have a problem like you’ve noticed a receding hairline or your kids told you they hate you?” Hange sighed, taking a sip of wine and looking to Mike. “When hasn’t your crisis been Levi?”

Erwin shrugged. Okay, so he was a little single-minded.

“He’ll remember in time,” Hange said reassuringly, smiling softly. “I made Moblit wait and I promise you that you beating yourself up about this now is a waste of time.”

“Chase him,” Nanaba said, a glint in her eyes. “Moblit was too shy to ask Hange out, but you’ve got balls of steel.”

Erwin looked away sharply, taking a drink before he was forced to speak. Of course, Mike picked up on the action and he raised an eyebrow.

“You’ve asked him out already?” he said and Erwin narrowed his eyes slightly. 

“Yes,” he said. In a way, Erwin had. Sort of.

“Oh my god,” Mike muttered, voice a little strangled. “I was only joking when I said you’d fuck him before he remembers.”

“He fucked me if it helps,” Erwin put in, closing his eyes as Hange whooped and Mike groaned. Nanaba and Moblit remained silent. Maybe Erwin should just have asked Nanaba and Moblit over alone.

“Oh my god,” Mike repeated. “I knew you two were fucking before, but I’m your brother now and while I’m happy for you, I also don’t need to know.” Mike grimaced and Erwin opened his eyes to look at him.

“If you two have had sex,” Moblit cut in, “then what’s the reason for your crisis?”

“He’s twenty and he doesn’t remember,” Erwin said, downing his wine. He didn’t move to pour another and Nanaba put an arm around him, stroking his arm.

“It’s hard,” she said. “But he will remember and you won’t feel this way anymore.”

Erwin smiled weakly at her, nods around the room filling him with confidence. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad that Levi didn’t remember. Hange and Moblit had managed to work around it, why should it be any different for him and Levi?

Because they were Erwin and Levi.

Erwin sighed and turned to conversation to something else, guilt ebbing away to give room to warmth. Calling Hange had been the best thing after all.

**.**

A routine formed in the weeks following the start of their relationship. Levi would come over after he’d finished at his research lab and he’d stay until around eleven. He’d started off making up excuses to his parents at the beginning, but after a quick conversation, they’d decided to simply be honest.

It hadn’t been as awkward as Erwin had thought, but it had been far from comfortable. Levi’s parents had a little warning that Erwin was coming over for dinner, but Levi hadn’t told them the exact nature of their relationship. 

“This is my boyfriend,” Levi said as Erwin stepped inside. Levi’s mother had been the one to greet them and her eyebrows had shot up, mouth falling open.

“We’ve been dating for just under two months now,” Levi continued, voice flat. He seemed bored by the explanation, if anything. “I really like him and I don’t care that he’s older than me or that he has kids and is divorced.”

Erwin stood awkwardly on the entrance mat, unsure whether to present the bottle of wine he’d brought in the pause or whether he should just run back home.

“If you have a problem with it, tell me now so I can just go back to Erwin’s and fuck.” Erwin flushed and turned to Levi with a worried look on his face. 

“Language,” Levi’s mother reprimanded, but her voice was soft and she looked at Erwin with a smile. “You’re probably used to his foul tongue by now, we did try to raise him better.” She looked thoughtful and Erwin presented his bottle.

The evening flowed smoothly after that. Levi’s father was a little jumpy around Erwin, but he relaxed a little by the time pudding came out. All in all, it was a decent evening with good food and, after that, Lei began to stay regularly.

They didn’t have sex every night. Levi stayed, on average, three nights out of seven and at last one night they’d both crash. Levi as being put through his paces and while he loved it, he had little energy for anything else. What little energy he did come home with was often sapped away by Petra demanding they play together, something Levi was always happy to do.

“You need some plants in this house,” Levi said one morning. They were in bed, Sunday morning sun pouring through the window, legs tangled together. The girls were at their grandparents with their mother for the school break and Erwin was tempted to keep Levi locked up in the bedroom the entire week.

“What kind of plants,” Erwin said, sleep still clinging to him. His voice was low and he threw an arm over his eyes, turning his head to look at Levi. 

“Any plant,” Levi said. “Your house is miserable and has no life in it when the girls aren’t here.”

He rolled out of bed, hair tousled, and vanished downstairs. Levi had probably gone to put some coffee on and would be back soon, so Erwin stretched out and groaned, muscles tight from being curled around Levi all night. Perhaps he could persuade Levi to give him a massage later…

Erwin startled, fully awake, when he heard something smash in the kitchen.

“Levi?” he called, slipping some sweatpants on and making his way downstairs quickly. He slipped some shoes on, preparing to clean up whatever had been smashed, but came to complete stop when he saw Levi.

His hands were laid flat on the table, coffee mug smashed on the floor. The coffee maker was bubbling away merrily, the room slowly filling with the scent of the beans, but coffee was the last thing on Erwin’s mind.

“Levi?” he called again and Levi shook his head, raising it just enough to see that his eyes were screwed up tightly, as if he was trying to rid himself of something.

“Stay there,” he said shakily, voice commanding in a way it never had been before, and Erwin swallowed thickly, fear coiling in his stomach.

“Levi,” Erwin tried again, but Levi slapped a palm on the table. 

“Be quiet,” he hissed. “I bet you had fucking silence when this happened for you, you stupid prick.”

Levi winced again and moved a hand up to cover his eyes. Erwin had never listened to Levi anyway and he moved forwards, pulling him away from the smashed mug and into the lounge. He sat him down and left to get a glass of water, taking a seat beside Levi and waiting.

“I hate you,” Levi muttered after a while, letting his head fall to the side. His cheek pressed against Erwin’s arm so he moved slightly, wrapping his arm around Levi and pulling him close. His shoulders relaxed and the fear in his stomach faded. He had his Levi back.

“I love you,” Erwin said, reaching for Levi’s hand and threading their fingers. “I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but I’m a creepy old man now.”

Levi pulled back and smiled. “You’ve always been a creepy old man.” He tucked himself a little tighter, pulling his knees up.

“Mike’s my brother in this world,” Erwin began, knowing Levi would appreciate knowing more. “He’s with Nanaba and Hange’s with Moblit.”

Levi nodded slowly, digesting the information. 

“Armin, Eren and Mikasa work at Elena’s school. Armin’s her tutor.” Erwin tightened his grasp around Levi and rested his head atop Levi’s. They’d been far more intimate than this before, but it al paled in comparison to this moment. 

“I met Nile recently too. I didn’t add him on facebook because he doesn’t shut up about his kids – I’m all for pride, but I really don’t care about what his kids had for breakfast – ad he kept texting me asking me why.” Erwin gave a huff of laughter. “He hasn’t changed a bit.”

“Still a loser,” Levi muttered, hands slipping under the waistband of Erwin’s trousers. The gesture wasn’t sexual, it was one of comfort and Levi’s knuckles brushed Erwin’s hip, Levi still struggling to grasp his memories.

“I remembered in public. I think I embarrassed Mike in front of a girl he liked,” Erwin mused and Levi turned to look at him slowly. His eyes were older now, though they hadn’t lost the softness this life offered.

“You’re really you,” he said, taking his hands from Erwin’s hip and taking his right hand, inspecting it delicately. “You’re really here.”

And, for the first time in his life, Erwin was glad that he’d been the first to remember. He couldn’t imagine leaving Levi in this state alone, doubting himself and everything he knew. Levi was so young and while Erwin had been too, he’d had Mike.

“I’ll always be here,” Erwin said, lowering his lips to Levi’s and kissing him softly. Levi kissed back, twisting and wrapping his arms around Erwin’s neck, smiling into the kiss. His entire body still trembled with the shock of new memories, but he was firm and unyielding. This was a Levi who knew exactly what he wanted and was setting about getting it.

“I want my first proper memory to be you fucking the life out of me,” Levi said between kisses, licking at Erwin’s lips and kissing him deeply. He pulled Erwin’s head back by his hair, kissing his jaw and neck, grazing with teeth.

“Please,” he added and Erwin nodded.

Levi snuck his hands back down, reaching into Erwin’s trousers again. This time he continued onwards, fingers gently brushing Erwin’s dick.

“Figures you’d still keep your big dick,” Levi commented, slipping from the sofa and onto his knees between Erwin’s thighs. He palmed Erwin’s cock and bit his lip when Erwin shifted his leg so he could rub against his shin.

Erwin groaned in pleasure as Levi pushed his sweatpants down, not bothering to remove them entirely before he’d latched his mouth around Erwin’s cock, bobbing his head over the tip. His tongue swirled as he moved a little lower. It took every inch of Erwin’s self-control not to move his hips, but he kept still, letting Levi adjust slowly.

Pulling back, Levi’s tongue flicked against the head of his cock and Erwin grunted, pleasure spiking rapidly. He moved a hand to Levi’s shoulder, encouraging him, and Levi sank down again, the tip of Erwin’s cock hitting the back of his throat. He shuddered as he felt muscles tense around him, pulling back only when Levi made a strangled noise.

“You’re perfect,” Erwin murmured as Levi pulled away from his dick, spit and come running down his chin. He licked his lips and wiped the excess fluid from his mouth with a grin, kissing Erwin heatedly, as if he could absorb Erwin through that kiss alone.

“Lay me down,” Levi ordered and Erwin complied, lifting Levi onto the sofa. He kicked his trousers off, silvery trails on his stomach where his cock bounced off of his skin in excitement.

Erwin slipped Levi out of the clothes he’d shoved on upstairs, a large top that belonged to Erwin and some ridiculously tight jeans. He rubbed Levi through his jeans first, stomach coiling as he saw the front of the jeans darken ever so slightly, Levi’s lust unable to be hidden away. 

“You’re a fucking tease,” Levi said as he threw his head back, Erwin slowly moving his jeans down his thigh. He was careful, attentive, and kissed Levi’s thighs gently before running the side of his nose over the length of Levi’s cock.

Erwin licked between Levi’s cock and balls, pushing his thighs further apart and dipping lower. He spread Levi apart, kissing him. His hips shifted against the fabric of the sofa and he let out a moan, breath passing over Levi’s cock.

“Oh,” Levi said, voice husky. 

“I’m going to use my tongue,” Erwin whispered, lapping at Levi’s entrance before he replied. It earned him a deep groan, Levi’s hands clutching the fabric of the sofa in desperation. Erwin had forgotten how much Levi loved this.

“Touch yourself while I lick you out,” Erwin ordered and Levi gave a strangled moan, his hand complying to meet Erwin’s order. Erwin gazed up at him as he swiped his tongue over Levi’s puckered hole, gently probing. He pulled back as Levi slowed his hand, stroking Levi’s skin before pushing his tongue in further.

“Please,” Levi said, voice unusually high and lip caught between his teeth. “I need you inside of me.”

Erwin pulled back with a wet sound, lips shining with spit. They’d taken to leaving lube down the side of the sofa when they knew there was no chance of interruption and they’d forgotten to take it upstairs yesterday, something Erwin was thankful for now. He opened Levi slowly with his fingers, moving behind him so he could kiss him while his fingers stretched him.

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked, positioning his hips, rubbing his cock along the underside of Levi’s arse. He smoothed a hand over Levi’s hips as Levi answered, smiling, and stroked him gently before moving back slowly.

“Are you okay to not use a condom?” Erwin said, resting his forehead against Levi’s shoulder. They were both clean (they’d made sure to get tested a while ago), but Erwin needed Levi’s permission.

“Fuck yes. Those things are the devil.” He grabbed a fistful of Erwin’s hair, pulling him up and biting at his lips, licking into his mouth.

“Tell me if it hurts,” Erwin said and he moved away slightly, hand pushing his cock inside of Levi slowly. He was as careful as he could be, resisting any urge to move faster until he was half-way inside.

“For fuck’s sake,” Levi hissed, moving his leg up and moving an arm around Erwin’s shoulders, pushing down so Erwin slid into him. “I want you to fuck me, not make this the most boring experience of my life.”

Erwin kissed his foul mouth and pushed in all the way, sliding in with ease. He moved his hips, breath already heavy and grunting. His hand snaked around Levi to stroke his cock in time with his thrusts and Levi’s hand tightened on his shoulder, fingernails pressing deeply enough to leave marks.

“Erwin,” Levi said, and Erwin knew he was close. His eyes were closed and his mouth lax, jaw clenching occasionally as Erwin brushed against his prostate. Groans passed his lips with every movement and he came, digging deeply into Erwin’s shoulder. The pain was enough to send Erwin over unexpectedly and he shuddered at the intensity of the orgasm, letting Levi’s leg fall gently back down.

They remained in that position for a moment, Erwin taking his sensitive cock from Levi and wrapping his arms around him, resting his cheek against Levi’s chest.. He breathed in the musky scent of their sex and sighed, content.

“I love you too, you know,” Levi said, fingers combing gently through Erwin’s head. “I’m glad you never gave up on me.”

Erwin closed his eyes, wrapping one leg over Levi’s and squeezing.

“I’d never give up on you, even if I was reincarnated a million times. I’d find you a million more.” Erwin replied and he could feel the elation running through Levi’s body in the sound of his heartbeat.

They’d need to wash the cushions in a while, but for now, Erwin was content to stay where they were and enjoy their peace. They could tell everyone else eventually, but for now, they were each other’s worlds.

**.**


End file.
